


I Want You (To Be Happier)

by PaintedBird1214



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Inspired by Music, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 05:05:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18203903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaintedBird1214/pseuds/PaintedBird1214
Summary: Alexander makes a decision.





	I Want You (To Be Happier)

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired Happier by Marshmello.

"Fine! I don't care anymore! Just fucking leave me alone!" Alexander watched as Thomas turned and stormed out of the room, the door spamming behind him. He stood still, watching the door, hoping it would open and Tommy would come back in so they could apologize. So Alex could hug him and never let him go again.

But he knew that would not happen. Deep inside, his heart ached. He knew Thomas's own heart ached just as much. Even more, really. He knew Thomas was at the end of his willingness to continue. That the taller man was tired of arguing all the time, exhausted from the screaming, crying, and spending the night with James instead of Alex. Quite frankly, Alex knew he was too.

So, when five minutes passed and the door Thomas had walked out remained still, Alex sighed and turned away. Thomas was not coming back tonight. The damage was done and the consequences sealed.

The house was quiet, nothing but Alex's breathing disturbing the silence. It was dark, too. Almost all the lights were shut off and the night sky outside provided little replacement light through the windows.

Usually after a fight, Alex would write and Thomas would go rant to James. They would spend the night apart and then sometime in the morning, one or the other would come running back. They'd make up, make out, and then resume life as normal. But Alex was unsettled this time around. Something had changed from the last time they'd fought.

Sighing, he sat down in a living room chair, listening to the ticking of the clock. He knew Thomas was losing himself to all the screaming matches. He had noticed the man smiling less, getting angry quicker, and crying a whole lot more. The back and forth of their relationship was destroying him. Alex's heart ached for him, both for his touch and for the pain Alex knew he was causing his lover.

Standing, he made his way to his office, where he grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. At his desk, he sat for just a second, and leaning forward and putting the pen to the paper. He wrote for over an hour, about anything and everything. He wrote about Thomas's smile, his snarky tones when he had won a debate, his warmth when they cuddled in bed, and so much more. He told the paper of how their relationship had started down a bad path a year ago. He spoke of their refusal to acknowledge the truth. Then he went back and reminisced over their beginning.

He remembered when they met. Alex had worked for Washington for only half a year when Thomas returned from France and took his position back from the temporary replacement. They had hated each other at first and fought almost as much as they do now. But after two months of that, they'd somehow found some equal ground and their relationship turned a new leaf, a positive new aspect within it. Before Alex could blink, he'd realized his feelings for the man and had blurted them accidentally when talking about LGBT rights. Thomas had jumped right in and confessed that he felt the same. So they started dating and were on top of the world together for over three years. Alex couldn't pinpoint when they started falling apart but four years in, he'd noticed an increase in arguments. But he ignored it, and so did Thomas once he'd noticed it himself. That brought them to now, three months away from five years, arguing every week.

When he finished writing about the past, he put down the pen, his brain going crazy with thoughts. Only one stood out to him, though.

 _I want you to be happier_.

He stuck to that sentence for minutes, thinking over its meaning, trying to figure out a way to achieve it. He fought with himself for a long time, struggling. Eventually, he sighed and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. He let his head fall back. Then, finally, he made a decision.

 _I'm going to break up with him_.

The thought clawed at his heart but he knew he had to. They were both exhausted. Staying any longer would break one of them, if not both. So his mind was made, despite the tearing at his heart.

That night, he slept lightly, dreaming of the one he loved with all his heart. The one he would be separating from in the morning. The night passed slowly, Alex waking up often. He could not forget that the last time he'd ever touched Thomas would be the last. The last kiss would remain so. The last late night call they'd made would stay the last call in their history. All the laughs, smiles, and good times together had come to a close, without either of them knowing it. Knowing it was needed for both of them did nothing to quiet the storm inside Alex's brain, leaving him tossing and turning.

The struggle for sleep ended at 6 in the morning, when Alex, for the fifteenth time that night, woke up. When he looked at the time, he groaned and sat up, tired of trying.

He got up slowly, taking his time. Thomas wouldn't return for another several hours so he had time to spare. He sat on the edge of his bed for a while, just preparing himself for the day. Then, he gradually moved through his house. From the bathroom for a shower back to his bedroom for clothes. He returned to the bathroom to brush his hair and teeth. Afterwards, he made his way to the kitchen, where he brewed some coffee he left black. With a hot mug in hand, he retreated to the living room. Here, he sat with only the dim morning light coming through the windows, his coffee, and his thoughts to keep him company.

For the next hours, he remained there, silent and unprepared for the coming events. The coffee he had made grew cold as he drank it slower than anyone he'd ever known ever had. The thoughts in his head buzzed around as alive as ever as the clock ticked on and the light shining in grew brighter.

Eventually, after hours of doing the same nothing, he heard a car door close in his driveway. This knocked him right out of his head and he was standing, facing toward the front door, in a split second. He watched it, waiting for it to open, tapping his foot impatiently.

Finally, the door cracked open and then swing the rest of the way. There, on the other side of it, was Thomas. When they met eyes, Alex's heart broke further.

Thomas's eyes were bare of any sign of happiness and the dark bags under his eyes told Alexander that he'd slept just as terribly, if not more. His frizzy hair was messier than he'd ever seen it and he was wearing the same clothes he'd walked out in. His mouth was set in a deep frown and he was slouched over, a slight difference from the normal way he stood, but Alex knew he only slouched at all when he was completely drained. His aura contained none of its usual confidence and cockiness. Just by looking at him, Alex could tell the man was out of energy, dead from the after effects of the latest fight.

"Thomas..." Alex whispered, barely able to get the name out. The sight of his lifeless partner had knocked all words from him.

"Alexander," the taller man replied, a certain monotone to his voice that left Alex aching. Another good look at Thomas and Alex knew. He knew that Thomas knew. They were both aware of the coming sentence.

Alex, straightened himself and motioned for Thomas to enter. "Come in." The other man did so, closing the door gingerly behind him. Alex led them to the living room, where he sat in one chair and Thomas took a seat across from him, a good distance away. "I think you know what's coming."

Thomas nodded and then looked down at the floor. "Just say it Alexander."

Alex opened his mouth to say it but before he could start talking, he hesitated. _I'll miss you too much. I can't do it._ The thought ran through his mind to abandon the whole breakup, to try again and start over, but Alex knew there was no starting over. They'd been through too much and had said too many hurtful things to take back. There was no new beginning.

"Thomas, I think- No, I know- that we need to break up. We're not like we used to be. All we do is fight anymore and...And I still love you but I can tell you're dying inside. We've run our course and pretended we're okay. But we're not and it's too late to fix it. We're broken. You're broken. I've thought it over and I know I'll never get over you but you don't smile with me anymore. I want you but more than that, I want you to be happier. So I'm leaving you so you can move on and, one day, smile with someone else."

The room was quiet for a moment before Thomas finally looked back up at Alexander. "I'll never forget our good times."

Alex shook his head. "Neither will I."

Standing up, Thomas walked over to Alex, who stood as well. Gently, Thomas hugged him and Alex returned the hug. They stayed that way for a minute before Thomas pulled away. They stood there, inches apart, staring into each other's eyes, before Thomas stepped away and walked toward the front door. He opened it and stepped outside, turning to close the door. "I'll see you at work, Alexander." And just like that, Alex was alone once again.

* * *

When Thomas walked into work that day, he seemed happy, happier than Alexander had seen him since before their relationship had started to fall apart.A part of Alex ached, knowing it was a possibility the cause of that smile was a new relationship, but the rest of him was happy for the taller man. It was about time he got the relationship he deserved.

So as Thomas passed him, he forced himself to mention it. "You look happy today, Thomas."

They gazed at each other for a second before Thomas nodded. "I am. I'm in an official relationship now!"

Alexander smiled a bittersweet smile. "Congratulations. Whoever it is got lucky."

"Thank you, Alex. That means a lot coming from you."

"I just wish you the best. Now celebrate with Madison. I know that's where you're headed."

Thomas waved goodbye to Alex as he trotted away, the shorter man watching every step. When Thomas disappeared from view, he let out a sigh and flopped into his chair.

He'd known it would come eventually but he hadn't been prepared for it to be now. He couldn't blame Thomas though. It's been just over a year since the two of them had broken up. Alex was the only one still stuck on the other.

Throughout that day, when Alex caught a glance at Thomas, he'd smile through the ache in his heart because he knew he'd done the right thing all that time ago.

If Thomas was happy with this new person, then Alex would be happy too. But if Alex cried when he got home, that was for him to know and for Thomas to never find out.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if there's any mistakes in here. My computer doesn't work anymore so I used my phone to write, edit, and publish this.


End file.
